Archive for the Love and Relationships Category

Why You Shouldn’t Discount Your Dating Standards

Saturday, May 20th, 2017 | Permalink

A standard is a level of quality, a measurement of something, a model or norm backed up with principles. It’s important in every aspect of our lives because its high expectations tell us the amount of work we need to put in to achieve something good, it is where the value comes in. Same is true in the dating arena. One’s personal standard in finding a mate is a reflection of their self-worth, perception and let’s say, protective measures. When someone is consciously aware of his/her standards, no one can hurt them and make their life miserable.

Some people get advices to reshape their expectations, it may be helpful in cases where one’s hope is beyond reality and perfection. But altering your standards just because you’re getting many bad apples doesn’t make sense, here’s why:

It makes you unattractive

Ever thought of the people you admire? What were the qualities you admire most about them? Isn’t it their level of dedication and passion to their craft that made them famous? That they chose not to settle for anything less—because if they did, they would be just like everybody else…they would’ve not stood out from the pack. That thing right there is why you respect them.

In the same context, when the person you’re dating is under the impression that you chose to drop your standards just for them, it makes you less attractive. No, it’s not a touching act of love. It basically tells them that you don’t respect yourself and you’re shaky to uphold them. For example, if a guy is stringing you along—texting you only when he is bored and sends you a reply after 3 days and you still put up with it like nothing’s wrong, then you’re sending the message that you can be treated that way.

It won’t make you happy

There is no genuine happiness knowing you get less of what you truly deserve. It’s horrible to keep giving out big investments to someone and you are only getting a very low effort in return. At first, it may seem bearable but in the long run, it’s a recipe for huge misery and heartache.

There is no challenge

As they say, “if it’s worth it, it would not be easy.” That alone speaks truth to everything—especially in the topic of love and romance. If the other person feels it’s too easy to be with you because you’re readily available all the time and you compromise your standards, then it makes you less of a challenge. This is not like a trophy that needs to be won in a game, but merely a representation for you to see the people who have the “willing-to-take-on-whatever it takes challenge” attitude to be with you, because you deserve it.

You miss out the right person

Wasting time and effort to someone who doesn’t put in the same work makes you lose the opportunity to find the ones who can. Life is too short to waste on things that can cause so much hurt and resentment when in fact, you have a choice.

4 Things Only Women Who Are Just Out From a Long-Term Relationship Understand

Sunday, June 7th, 2015 | Permalink

You’ve spent years of your life with the person, talked about marriage and kids, and perhaps have started a joint bank account. Your family and friends have come to address you two as one and always ask where the other is if you’re not seen together.

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Then, for whatever reason, you break up. All of a sudden, the things you share and do together, even being asked why you’re alone, sounds and feels odd to you. For the first time, after so many years, you’re on your own again. Have you been through this situation? Then we bet you could relate to these:

1. The weekends seem to stretch forever. Where once you’ve reserved Saturdays and Sundays for movies and dinner dates with your partner, now you can watch videos and have dinner by yourself, which can be good or not depending on which memories of your recently-ended relationship you dwell on. Now, your weekends are free, so you try to fill in the gap as much as possible. Late-night dinner date with girlfriends? You got it! Out-of-town trip? You’re all packed up!

2. Your future is suddenly uncertain. Even though you haven’t yet planned your future prior the breakup, you did know that your ex was going to be a significant part of it. Now that he’s out of the picture, you probably feel clueless of what your future will be. Sure, the breakup may have opened the door better opportunities— furthering your studies, transferring to a better company in another city, even migrating abroad—but which one do you pursue?

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3. You’ve forgotten how to play the dating game. Once you feel like seeing other people again, you then realize that you’re now clueless as to how to go about it. Since you’ve been idle for such a long time, you no longer know what the rules are when dating. How do you say goodbye after a date? Do you simply wave goodbye, kiss him on the cheek…or shake his hand? And for the record, how will you know whether a guy is asking you on a date or simply wants to hang out with you?

4. You have a “Better Off Without You” playlist. All women who have gone through a terrible break up are guilty of this. Perhaps, you have Sam Smith, Taylor Swift and Adele on repeat? You listen to their songs while driving to work, in the office, on your way home, and maybe until you go to sleep. They are your soundtrack as you wonder what happened, what went wrong, and why things ended the way they did. And while it terribly hurts to hear the last eight years of your supposedly happy-ever-after relationship in a chart-topping song, you can’t help but repeatedly listen to it anyway.

Ending a long-term relationship sure is a horrible experience, and getting through it is an agonizing journey. While it takes time to heal the wounds and pull your life back into shape, it’s comforting to know that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger overtime.

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