Archive for the Love and Relationships Category

How to Talk to Your Child About Romantic Relationships

Tuesday, December 10th, 2019 | Permalink

Blame it on the movies or television or Internet, but your child will approach you one day and ask about romantic relationships. It’s an unavoidable topic especially if the child is having his/her first crush and doesn’t know what to make of the feelings.

Here are some tips on how to discuss caring and healthy relationships and why they need your consent.

Romantic Love versus Platonic Love

You might have heard some kids express how they want to marry one of their parents or their siblings when they grow up, but don’t worry, because most child psychologists will tell you that there is nothing romantic or sexual about the child’s feelings. Children cannot yet distinguish between romantic love and platonic love, that is why try to respond as neutral as possible. It’s just how the child expresses his/her love for family members the best way he/she knows how.

Don’t Use Guilt and Anger

If you feel uncomfortable about how a child is behaving towards others, do not put him/her on the defensive by focusing only on the behavior, because that is not the cause of the problem.

If conflicts arise in school because your child is trying to chase another child he/she likes, talk to the child about how bullying should never be used to express feelings for another person. Some kids might resort to hurting, teasing, and name-calling other kids that they like, but calmly explain that these will only frighten or possibly start fights with other kids.

Find Time to Talk About Your Experiences

How children will handle their romantic relationships in the future is reflective of how you and your partner interact. The parents are their models for communication, human interaction, and respect, even if their friends, classmates, and media can also affect how they think about romance in general. However, you can use media for example to discuss things you’re not comfortable starting a conversation about. Encourage friendship and love for people, because this is the best way to practice empathy, kindness, and respect—all important factors in any relationship.

Offer Advice but Let the Child Deal with It

When your child is going through puberty, it’s also usually the time he/she experiences his/her first love and heartbreak. Most child psychologists will advise you to refrain from giving the child ideas on what to do based on your own experiences, and do not belittle or embarrass them for their feelings.

Do not assume that the other person is bad for your child, because it would be better to let him/her figure out what to do with the feelings. Make him/her understand that there will be ups and downs when it comes to love, and that chemistry alone between two people sometimes is not enough to create lasting and fulfilling relationships.

Right Love at the Right Place: Where to Find Love Matters, Research Reveals

Friday, July 26th, 2019 | Permalink

Does the venue to where you meet a potential lover count? Can it tell you something about what they are looking for, and give you a glimpse of who they are? A research has found that certain places to where people seek a mate can reflect personality and what they are seeking for in a relationship.

This might sound new for some as there are more influential avenues to meet potential partner such as “date recommendations.” According to, a whopping 85% of singles in Singapore opt to meet a potential mate through common friends. While online venues are also a hit in today’s era, more and more dating apps are penetrating internet users population such as Spotted, Tinder, Paktor all targeting Indonesian subscribers. Unfortunately, these niches tell very little about the things that will help you gauge the person you are trying to meet.

An interesting study conducted by Peter Jonason and his colleagues from University of Western Sydney, aimed at examining where people go when they are seeking for long-term and short-term relationships, correlation between personality traits and specific venues; and presence of gender differences when it comes to picking a venue of choice.

Lists of possible venues where people may look for short-term/casual and long-term partners were created to have 100 participants (30% male and 70% female) choose the agreeable ones. It turned out that most of the respondents (both gender) agreed on where to go to find a relationship and fling.

Top venue categories for long-term: class, organization, religious, work and gym

Top venue categories for short-term: bar, night club, party, dance club, beach

The study then proceeded on the relationship between personality traits and venue preferences. A questionnaire that assessed traits of the Dark Triad and HEXACO were given out to 209 participants (35% male and 65% female) this time. They were also asked how likely it would be that they will look for a partner at such venues. Results showed that the Dark Triad traits have more success in short-term relationships and venues; while HEXACO traits are more related to long-term goals in mind. Moreover, there were no significant gender differences noted on the choice of venues.

Researchers noted some limitations of their study specifically the online dating forum niche that was not explored and that there is still a lot to discover from the findings.

Why You Shouldn’t Discount Your Dating Standards

Saturday, May 20th, 2017 | Permalink

A standard is a level of quality, a measurement of something, a model or norm backed up with principles. It’s important in every aspect of our lives because its high expectations tell us the amount of work we need to put in to achieve something good, it is where the value comes in. Same is true in the dating arena. One’s personal standard in finding a mate is a reflection of their self-worth, perception and let’s say, protective measures. When someone is consciously aware of his/her standards, no one can hurt them and make their life miserable.

Some people get advices to reshape their expectations, it may be helpful in cases where one’s hope is beyond reality and perfection. But altering your standards just because you’re getting many bad apples doesn’t make sense, here’s why:

It makes you unattractive

Ever thought of the people you admire? What were the qualities you admire most about them? Isn’t it their level of dedication and passion to their craft that made them famous? That they chose not to settle for anything less—because if they did, they would be just like everybody else…they would’ve not stood out from the pack. That thing right there is why you respect them.

In the same context, when the person you’re dating is under the impression that you chose to drop your standards just for them, it makes you less attractive. No, it’s not a touching act of love. It basically tells them that you don’t respect yourself and you’re shaky to uphold them. For example, if a guy is stringing you along—texting you only when he is bored and sends you a reply after 3 days and you still put up with it like nothing’s wrong, then you’re sending the message that you can be treated that way.

It won’t make you happy

There is no genuine happiness knowing you get less of what you truly deserve. It’s horrible to keep giving out big investments to someone and you are only getting a very low effort in return. At first, it may seem bearable but in the long run, it’s a recipe for huge misery and heartache.

There is no challenge

As they say, “if it’s worth it, it would not be easy.” That alone speaks truth to everything—especially in the topic of love and romance. If the other person feels it’s too easy to be with you because you’re readily available all the time and you compromise your standards, then it makes you less of a challenge. This is not like a trophy that needs to be won in a game, but merely a representation for you to see the people who have the “willing-to-take-on-whatever it takes challenge” attitude to be with you, because you deserve it.

You miss out the right person

Wasting time and effort to someone who doesn’t put in the same work makes you lose the opportunity to find the ones who can. Life is too short to waste on things that can cause so much hurt and resentment when in fact, you have a choice.

4 Things Only Women Who Are Just Out From a Long-Term Relationship Understand

Sunday, June 7th, 2015 | Permalink

You’ve spent years of your life with the person, talked about marriage and kids, and perhaps have started a joint bank account. Your family and friends have come to address you two as one and always ask where the other is if you’re not seen together.


Then, for whatever reason, you break up. All of a sudden, the things you share and do together, even being asked why you’re alone, sounds and feels odd to you. For the first time, after so many years, you’re on your own again. Have you been through this situation? Then we bet you could relate to these:

1. The weekends seem to stretch forever. Where once you’ve reserved Saturdays and Sundays for movies and dinner dates with your partner, now you can watch videos and have dinner by yourself, which can be good or not depending on which memories of your recently-ended relationship you dwell on. Now, your weekends are free, so you try to fill in the gap as much as possible. Late-night dinner date with girlfriends? You got it! Out-of-town trip? You’re all packed up!

2. Your future is suddenly uncertain. Even though you haven’t yet planned your future prior the breakup, you did know that your ex was going to be a significant part of it. Now that he’s out of the picture, you probably feel clueless of what your future will be. Sure, the breakup may have opened the door better opportunities— furthering your studies, transferring to a better company in another city, even migrating abroad—but which one do you pursue?


3. You’ve forgotten how to play the dating game. Once you feel like seeing other people again, you then realize that you’re now clueless as to how to go about it. Since you’ve been idle for such a long time, you no longer know what the rules are when dating. How do you say goodbye after a date? Do you simply wave goodbye, kiss him on the cheek…or shake his hand? And for the record, how will you know whether a guy is asking you on a date or simply wants to hang out with you?

4. You have a “Better Off Without You” playlist. All women who have gone through a terrible break up are guilty of this. Perhaps, you have Sam Smith, Taylor Swift and Adele on repeat? You listen to their songs while driving to work, in the office, on your way home, and maybe until you go to sleep. They are your soundtrack as you wonder what happened, what went wrong, and why things ended the way they did. And while it terribly hurts to hear the last eight years of your supposedly happy-ever-after relationship in a chart-topping song, you can’t help but repeatedly listen to it anyway.

Ending a long-term relationship sure is a horrible experience, and getting through it is an agonizing journey. While it takes time to heal the wounds and pull your life back into shape, it’s comforting to know that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger overtime.